Yes--Pink High Heels

I am new to this blogging thing...but I like the idea of being held accountable for what I am trying to do. Altogether too often we make decisions to change and then they fall by the wayside, shoved behind grocery shopping, laundry and aggressive driving. So here I am world--openly declaring my mission, thinking that perhaps pursuing my mission publicly will somehow commit me to truly change. We will see...
Just so we are all aware of what I am doing here--for any of those who somehow fall across my dreadful blogging--I am on a mission to find myself. I am not entirely sure whether I am trying to find myself or recover myself. I have long contemplated this question. Did I ever know who I was? Maybe, maybe not. Do I know who I am now? No--I don't think I do. I know who I think I am supposed to be and I am pretty damn good actress and portraying that role. This begs the question, however, whether who I am trying to be now if who I really am or who I think I am supposed to be...oh the confusion. In the end, it doesn't really matter. I am not my genuine person right now, at least not fully. No to say that I am lying...just not being true to myself. Which is why I will wear pink high heels. That is something genuine. I know this--there is no question--I just haven't ever had the courage to wear them and do so proudly. So that is my goal--so proudly wear pink high heels, among many other goals that is--many more important goals--but the high heels are something tangible.
So, this is my journey. To find myself. To find who and what I am, and to embrace it. I am scared. What if I find out that I am a bad person or someone no ones likes? What if I fall off the wagon? What if everyone I know and love leaves me because my genuine person is some evil ogre and awful and ugly? But what if I live my whole life not being who I am supposed to be--merely acting a role rather than living it? Today I am choosing the scarier option--the road less traveled. Thank you Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost