CAGE

CAGE is the screening questionnaire that is used to screen for alcoholism. I took the test tonight and failed. These are the questions:

1. Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?

2. Have people annoyed you by criticising your drinking?

3. Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?

4. Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover (eye-opener)?

If you answer yes to 2 or more of these, you are at risk for a drinking problem or alcoholism. I scored a 2...it is true that I have often thought that I needed to cut back and I have often felt guilty about drinking. This scares me--it scares me to the core. It is a hard concept for me to grasp though. I don't feel abnormal--it is more that I really enjoy a glass of wine or two in the evenings after a long and stressful day at work or school or clinical....when I "drink alone" it is not hard liquor nor am I trying to hide it from anyone--I just so happen to have a glass of wine in the evenings when my husband isn't home yet. I don't hide my drinking, I don't lie about how much I drink. I certainly don't need to drink to get through the day and have never needed an eye-opener. I drink wine and beer--never hard liquor...though I don't suppose that matters. My drinking has never interfered with any of my responsibilities...but I do crave a glass of wine or two, or a beer at night. Am I an alcoholic? I wonder. I drink to relax me, to let go, to relax. I feel guilty when I have had too much to drink because I feel like crap and I act stupid. It doesn't happen too terribly often, but more often than I think is right. "Just stop" you might say--but that is where I get hung up--I am having a hard time doing that...just stopping. I don't know whether it is because of dependence or habit. I don't know if it is because I feel so stressed beyond belief half the time right now that I don't otherwise know how to chill out. It is social. It is personal. I am scared. I think that somewhere in my history there was an alcoholic...there was certainly a great grandparent addicted to gambling. Maybe I just need to get pregnant--I certainly would never drink during my pregnancy...I write this as I sip a glass of wine, alone on my couch. Hypocrit. I failed the CAGE....