Reality and Epiphitamous Moments

Okay...yeah, last semester handed me my ass is a brown paper bag. NO JOKE! I am serious--it is pretty bad that I cannot account for August-December of 2009. It doesn't so much bother me that I cannot account for my time (although that is distantly disturbing)--but rather that I cannot account for what I learned. In 130 days I will graduate and take a test and be charged with young, beautiful, innocent lives--ACK!!!!! I will take a test that will say that I am qualified (yes, my 4.0 average will testament that I will likely pass the test the first time around) but will I really feel that way.??
There is a lot that has happen, mainly in the last 2 weeks when I have actually had the time to think about my life and course of action. There are a number of books that have guided my thoughts...including The Happiness Project and How to Unclutter Your Life in a Week.....admittedly I have yet to read either cover to cover. I am mildly obsessed with the DVD the Secret. In the end, I have to wonder whether it really matters what the impetus for change is as long as change occurs...I wrote this in an email to my bestest friend in the whole wide world today (and I might have been a little drunk...I'll admit):
"You are the only person who has every really understood these moments in time...the only one who has taken them for what they are and raced me to the finish line with them whether they are real or true or not--my inspiration. You cannot fail at something if you never do it. If you fail to try then you cannot fail--but you cannot do anything. What is the worst thing that happens if you fail? Typically you worry that someone will laugh or ridicule you--sometimes there is money at stake. But how will you ever know that you have failed if you never try? How will you ever know what you are good and amazing at if you never attempt it? Will you spend your life forever fantasizing about the things that you could be and want to be? If you never do it then you never have the opportunity to fail, to grow, to succeed! Failure is not the end point, it is the learning point. It means that there is opportunity for growth. If you had fun doing it and learning it then why does failure matter? It doesn't. Anyone can succeed successfully....its takes a special person to fail successfully. I will write a children's book and be published. I will learn to play the French horn. I will sky dive and walk the great wall of china....I like epiphitamous moments...tooo bad epiphatamous isn't a real word. Thank you for not rationalizing them. xoxo
S"
I think that is good for the night....stay tuned for more!